Kristýna Polomisová: what exactly are sex coaching and mentoring?

This year Erofest is digging deeper into a few subjects. That is why we have put together a special stage for interesting, educational talks about sexuality, tantra, relationships and all kinds of sexual practices.

One of our guests and speakers is sex coach and mentor Kristýna Polomisová. She told us more about herself in a personal interview.

What should people picture when they hear “sex coaching and mentoring”? How do the two differ?

Great question. To put it simply,sex coaching and mentoring is a field in which you work on developing or getting to know your own sexuality, or on resolving particular problems in that area — whether your own or within a relationship. It is a field that is still quite new here in the Czech Republic, I would say. People are only just learning that working on your sexuality matters, and that there is someone who can help them 🙂

As for the difference between coaching and mentoring: when I mentor, I am a guide. I steer the client and show them the way, or accompany them, support them and pass on my own experience.

With coaching I am literally “teaching” how to get from A to B, or initiating someone into a particular practice or skill.

How did you come to this, Kristýna? Did it bring you anything new, any insight about yourself?

Whenever I get this question I answer with a smile that it certainly was not a case of me saying as a little girl that I wanted to be asex coach when I grew up 🙂 Although, why not. It genuinely never occurred to me that I would end up doing this. I went through my own journey with sexuality (and not only with that). Aversion to sex and no sensation during it, being unable to reach orgasm, disconnection from my body and what it was feeling, low self-esteem.

I also went through an eating disorder and a period when I did not like myself at all, which went hand in hand with my sexuality. And when I changed all of that in myself, I saw the positive effect it had on my life, and naturally I wanted to spread it further and help other people — women 🙂

At first my coaching and mentoring was only about self-love; I worked as a self-love coach and only later moved into sexuality. The whole process was sped up by almost a year of hands-on experience during which I did sensual massage and worked as a professional dominatrix in one of Prague’s salons. It gave me a chance to encounter all of it rather more “up close” — and honestly, that was part of why I went. Everything fell into place there and I threw myself fully into sex coaching and mentoring.

It absolutely keeps teaching me new things about myself, and that is something I love about it. I also have a personal rule that if I am advising or helping someone with something, I need at least some experience of it myself, so that I can put myself in that person’s shoes and know how to help or point them in the right direction. That is why I am genuinely grateful for my own journey, even if it was not always easy.

What do people come to you with most often? Are they embarrassed?

I cannot say what comes up most. The reasons vary: being unable to reach orgasm (in women), accepting a kink or a sexual preference, compatibility in a relationship, reviving an intimate life, self-discovery, sexual communication, an introduction to BDSM, or just growing in one’s sexuality.

Surprisingly, they are not embarrassed. By the time they get in touch, the embarrassment has to be set aside — otherwise nothing could be worked on. That is largely because I talk very openly about sexuality on social media and show that I was there too, so there is no reason to be ashamed of any problem in this area. Quite the opposite: it needs to be dealt with.

I assume women come to you more often. What about men?

Yes, women come to me more often, but that is also because I mostly focus on women and speak to them in what I create. The reason is simple — as a woman I can help another woman best, and there is more common ground. I am not at all opposed to working with men, it just depends what they come to me with. When a man does come, it is very often about his relationship with his partner. That tends to be complicated, though, because to help a relationship like that, both people have to want it. So it is still better if the woman is the one who comes to me. It is easier to “move” a man when the woman is the one who sets it in motion.

Say I were a 40-year-old woman who has never had an orgasm, has been married for years and is afraid to tell her husband. What should I do — can I be helped?

You absolutely can be helped! 🙂 There is always something to be done about anything, you just have to start dealing with it and want to change it in yourself. I would start by approaching someone who has been through the same thing and can help you. Or better still, someone you naturally feel you can trust and perhaps identify with.

At that stage I would not recommend taking it straight to your partner — he might well take it personally and it could just damage your relationship. And I think it will be more comfortable for you to confide in a woman who has been through it herself, and talk to your husband later. If you decided to approach me, I would need to look at where exactly you are right now so that I could help and point you in the right direction.

The female orgasm — or rather a woman’s inability to reach one — is unfortunately something that is being normalised these days. I could not reach one myself until I was 25, until I slowly started to think it was just not “meant” for me. But I changed it in myself, so you can manage it too! 🙂

You run various courses and workshops. Which ones can I sign up for right now? How do they work? Do I need to prepare?

Right now you can sign up for a full-day workshop for women called “The Art of Sensuality”, where I will teach women how to relax into their femininity, drop all their inhibitions and embarrassment, and allow themselves to be sexy. This workshop will be special in that its main part is learning seduction with real men, preceded by groundwork covering everything from eye contact and the way you walk through to working with energy. It is a really great experience, and after that day women can feel more self-assured around men and more relaxed in front of their partner.

The workshop takes place on 18 March 2023 in Prague, from 12:00 to 19:00 and there is no special preparation needed. At every event I run, it matters to me that women feel good and safe. All you need is the courage to sign up and come.

Do you also coach one to one?

Of course. For individual work I offer a “mentoring session”, which is an online consultation, or long-term VIP work together. It depends where the client currently is. Before we start we get on a call and work out which type of collaboration suits best. A mentoring session is mainly for someone who just wants to talk a subject through, get advice or be pointed in the right direction, but there is no room in it to tackle anything more extensive. That is what long-term work is for. Some people prefer working in a group, others prefer one to one. Both have their advantages.

Is there a sexual dogma you come across often?

Hm, let me think. I would say there are still plenty of sexual dogmas around today. But the most common one I have run into lately is probably the idea that strong attraction and desire only exist at the start of a relationship and cannot be there afterwards. Which is true if the two people do not work on their sexuality, but it is not something that has to be the case if we actually do something about it.

Is there a milestone you would like to reach in your career as a sex coach and mentor?

I think there will always be somewhere further to go and something more to achieve, but my “milestone” would be a sexual academy, a school where women, men and couples could learn and grow in the area of sexuality, or work on a particular problem.

Is there anything you would like to say to our readers and to Erofest fans?

Do not miss this year’s Erofest, where I will be giving 3 talks — and do not be shy about coming to see me at the signing stand afterwards 🙂 And above all, never stop developing your own sexuality and the sexuality within your relationship.

Courses: https://direct.me/cristinpoly

Instagram: www.instagram.com/cristinpoly/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/kristyna.polomisova